We spend our days searching for that moment when our partners look at us and with a wink they acknowledge that our ship is traveling at a steady pace, with its regular stops for proper nourishments and communication like leading captains of a transatlantic voyage. It is in those moments when the trips to other countries unknown to us and the constant faces of misunderstanding make the most amount of sense. It is we who have chosen to engage our life with a cross cultural partner, and I feel fine saying that this can be the same for most couples. Because when we marry someone, or when we decide to partner up, we take with us the struggles and history of our own families into the boiling pot where our partner adds his or her own background substance. From that moment on we are never free from each other’s ghosts and revelations, whether we chose to stay within our own cultures or adventure outside of it.
Whenever I hear children in a park, unattended, wild and true to their nature it makes me wonder about the life of the parent who is sitting on the bench, sensibly guarding their sons and daughters playing arena. Are we all experiencing similar conditions in our daily life? I do hope so. Happiness is not a package of blinding new found realities. It is the amalgamation of a hundred and twenty arguments, three hundred and seven disappointments, twenty-two joyful experiences and five million and two nurtured agreements, all of that mixed in a healthy smoothie where we learn to share the load we carry, while helping the other to alleviate their weighed emotional backpacks. All of that in a daily routine where memories build a proper edifice for the storage of endless moments of joy and sadness.
We must endure the metamorphosis of the journey, its changing chaos, for it is in the coffee we drink at the end of a long hike where we find some sort of healthy feeling, enhancing our own self-awareness, while we come together with a hiking partner. The memories shared, the colors of the horizon once the highest peak was reached, the sounds of the trees as the wind moves through them, all those things touch us deeper when we share them. No matter where we find ourselves or with whom we have chosen to travel with, the moment when we sip those coffees and we start sharing the route taken together everything in our heads goes into a dopamine trance party, a rush of some memories give way to a sense of communion with our partner as intense as the experience itself.
When I read my friends letters, or when I talk with them, especially the ones that are engaged in a cross cultural partnership it feels like we all go through similar circumstances, or to put it in other words, “we all are experiencing some levels of the same chaos”. But like any chaos and its proper definition of “a state of utter confusion, lack of organization or order” it has its own volition, it’s meant to stop at some point in time. Even in Greek mythology “Khaos was a sort of space in between one reality and the next”, a stage where other possibilities will pass through to their own field of manifestation. It sounds nice, right?
Our relationships may face symptoms of “ground shaking tsunamis aftermaths”, but it is in dealing with the symptoms where we find also unity. More than understanding language, or dissecting a disappointment, facing together such moments will help in making the experience a multi layered field of possibilities. Remember in college all those group projects we had to do? I am sure there were classmates in your group from different countries or different states. Didn’t that make the project more fun? Having so many valuable perceptions was what help you on getting that high grade you needed it.
The point I am trying to make is that we are not making the coffee pot mixture alone. There is a scent that has traveled hundreds of miles to join with us. Our children are proof that the roasted beans done by the hands of “el bisabuelo Eusebio”, a great-grandfather you don’t understand or that has a hard time accepting you as part of the family will continue to boil into a great yield. We are in a journey that steps ahead of its course, hiking through a diversifying forest, but with the certainty of having already found some truthful essence in the middle of all that “Kaos”.