They say “opposites attract”, and international relationships have a saying on this. They are the embodiment of such a statement. From the color of the skin to the idea of family and child bearing, there couldn’t be anything more different yet so frequently bonded by an attraction to such differences.
When my husband, our children and I walk together in the street, it is obvious how much our differences stand out, “café con leche make light olive skin and blond hair children”. When we see, other similar couples walk by us, we stare at them and usually strike up a conversation. Just because we want to know their story, which usually turns out to be a glorious first encounter in a remote location, somewhere in the tropics or on some mountainous old town, or maybe at a train stop in chaotic New York, sometimes at a fruit market or a spiritual retreat as it was my case. An encounter that turned into a beautiful family. Nowadays often we find these couples wherever we go, so we don’t feel like outsiders and they bare testimony to how attraction of opposites plays a huge part. The term itself “Attraction of Opposites” may seem like the title of a science project, but as some studies have shown most relationship seeking people find that differences take on the role of the mystery that we all want to be part of, and as it happens the ideal partner sometimes ends up being the one we don’t know anything about, after all, we are creatures of entertainment, and more of the same will bore us to death.
When I walk on the streets of Cuba I sometimes feel like an outsider, not because the people make me feel like that but more because of my blue eyes blonde hair traits. It’s obvious I am not from there. With my husband, it was the same thing, Quebec made him feel like a fish twenty-three thousand miles away from the ocean, specially in Quebec City, where there lives some of the most radical French-Canadians people. I remember him talking to me in English while waiting in line to take the chair-lift up the mountain for some snowboarding fun, and how a guy turned back, looked at us and said: “-this is Quebec, here we speak French.” It was an insult, even to me. How can somebody go that far? We both must face those moments, and the story of my husband’s reply to such a insensitive man will come later, in another article. Trust me, you want to hear that.
Most people like to think that disaster will eventually crumble a relationship that faces the challenge of cultural discrepancies and different religious backgrounds. But even when some psychologist alerts us about how cautious we need to be when attracted to opposites, there is not a power on this earth that will stop you from following your heart, and of course that mystery seeking hunger that makes us do all sort of unconventional things, like buying an airplane ticket and going to see someone you just meet at a spiritual retreat, just because you have a feeling that turns on that seeking nature we all possess. That was my husband, by the way, and he did leave his tropical heaven to go get his northern girl out of the snow, beautiful ah? I thought so too.
Even when some personal habits, the use of time, future planning, intellectual development and other personality traits could hinder or put a stop to how much attraction we allow to lead us into having feelings for someone that’s different then us, our flexible attitude to see these differences from a different angle is usually the greatest filter. Being able to value these things from another viewpoint is always better. And here we get into the science of attraction. We are drawn, ultimately, by this inner driving force that take us places we have only dreamed of. An intuition that feeds on opposites, on wanting to understand the unknown, wanting to dance for hours behind the carnival carts of a spring Carnival in Santiago de Cuba, or freeze yourself in the Carnaval De Québec, just because you crossed the barriers of your own customs.
We could spend hours talking about this, opposites lead us to our own heaven or to our own hell. It is you who can change how the city lights of your loved one’s home shine around you, allowing their enchanting presence to brake away your own filters, helping you to find solace in the strange things that opposites bring into our lives. Be ruled by the desire for change.